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Dating safety in NZ: what to check, what to say, who to call

A practical guide to staying safer on a dating site, in the order things come up.

This page covers scams, meeting in person, intimate images and what to do if something goes wrong. Each section says what to do first, then gives you words you can copy.

Already sent money, or being threatened? Go straight to what to do if something has gone wrong.

The four rules

  • Never send money, gifts, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven't met in person.
  • Video call before you meet. If they keep refusing, that's your answer.
  • You choose the place, and it's public.
  • Tell a friend where you'll be, and leave whenever you like.

Everything below is detail on those four.

Before you message: a ten-minute check

None of this proves someone is who they say they are. It catches the careless fakes, and it takes about ten minutes.

  • Look at more than one photo. NZ Police say to ask for more than one, and to be suspicious if someone refuses or the picture looks borrowed from another website.
  • Run a reverse image search on their photos, with Google Images or Google Lens. If the same face turns up under a different name, walk away.
  • Search their name with the word "scam". ANZ suggests this, along with checking that what they tell you stays consistent.
  • Read the profile properly. A too-perfect photo, generic interests and replies at odd hours can point to a faked or AI-generated profile, according to Netsafe.
  • Ask a mate. In a country this size, someone may know them.

While you chat: pace, privacy and where

Keep your surname, home address, workplace and phone number to yourself until you trust the person. Netsafe also advises keeping your children's school private, and never sharing passport or bank details.

Stay on the site until you want to move. A push to WhatsApp or text early on is a warning sign that ANZ, Westpac and Netsafe all list.

Watch the pace. Declarations of love within days, a "perfect match" and pressure to make things official are on the ANZ list of romance scam signs. It can feel flattering, but someone who means it can wait for a coffee.

Ask for a short video call before you meet. Someone who keeps finding reasons not to is telling you something. NZ Police list endless excuses for not meeting or video calling as one of the main signs.

Money: the one rule

Never send money, gifts, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven't met in person. NZ Police say the same, and add: never give out bank account or credit card details, whatever reason the person gives.

Scams often start small and grow. Here is what to listen for.

  • They are always somewhere hard to reach, such as an oil rig, the military or overseas (NZ Police, ANZ).
  • A sad story with a deadline: a sick relative, a stuck parcel, a travel emergency (Westpac).
  • A small request that gets bigger each time.
  • An investment tip, or a request to buy bitcoin or vouchers. ANZ says not to invest in anything you don't understand or haven't researched.
  • A request to open an account, receive money or pass it on for them. This one looks like a favour, not a scam. ANZ says not to open accounts or move money for someone you met online.

Confirmation of Payee checks the account name when you pay someone in New Zealand. ANZ points out that it doesn't cover overseas payments, so take extra care with those.

How common is it? In a 2025 survey of 1,000 New Zealand adults by GASA with Netsafe, 23% said they had lost money to a scam in the previous 12 months, an average of $3,352 each (State of Scams in New Zealand 2025). Netsafe received 645 reports of romance scams in the two years to March 2024, with $4.54 million lost (NZ Herald). NZ Police say many scams are never reported, so the real number is higher.

Photos and intimate images

You never have to send a photo you aren't comfortable with, and pressure to send one is a warning sign in itself.

Sextortion is when someone gets an intimate image of you, or says they have one, and threatens to share it unless you pay. Netsafe received 176 reports in January 2026, up from 142 in December 2025, and says rising losses suggest people are paying, which keeps the scammers going. If it happens:

  1. Don't pay, and stop replying.
  2. Take screenshots of the messages and the profile.
  3. Make your social media accounts private.
  4. Report the profile to us, and to the platform where the threat was made.
  5. Contact Netsafe on 0508 638 723, text 4282 or email help@netsafe.org.nz, and report it to Police on 105, or 111 if you are in immediate danger.
  6. If an image has already been shared, StopNCII.org can help stop it spreading.

Sharing an intimate recording of someone without their consent is a criminal offence in New Zealand, with a penalty of up to $50,000 or two years in prison, and a judge can order it taken down (Ministry of Justice). It happens to adults as well as teenagers. It is a crime committed against you, and you haven't done anything wrong.

Before you meet

  • You choose the place, and it's public. If they insist on a private address, a car park or somewhere remote, say no. In 2023, Christchurch Police said several men had been lured through a dating site to a location and assaulted (Newstalk ZB).
  • Arrange your own transport, and your own way home.
  • Tell a friend who you are meeting, where, and when you will check in. There is a message you can copy in the "Words you can use" section below.
  • Keep your address to yourself. Don't go to their place, or invite them to yours, on a first meeting.

These rules are for everyone. Netsafe's figures show about six in ten reported romance scam victims were women, and the Christchurch cases involved men.

A few New Zealand points. In a small town you'll probably be recognised, which helps in a public place and works against you if you give out your street. If you're meeting somewhere rural, check that there is phone coverage and share your phone's location with your friend. If you're travelling a long way, book your own accommodation and keep it to yourself.

On the date

  • You can leave at any time, for any reason, and you don't owe anyone an explanation (NZ Police).
  • Stay in public the whole time, and don't be talked into going somewhere else.
  • Keep an eye on your drink.
  • Text your friend when you're home.

Words you can use

Short, polite and hard to argue with. Copy them as they are. Swap the square brackets for the real details.

  • Declining money: "I don't send money to anyone I haven't met in person. That's a rule for me and it isn't going to change."
  • Asking for a video call: "Let's do a quick video call this week. Ten minutes is plenty." If they refuse again: "No call, no meeting. Good luck."
  • Staying on the site: "I'd rather keep chatting here for now."
  • Declining images: "I'm not sending those. If that's a problem, we're done here."
  • Leaving a date: "I'm going to head off now. Thanks for coming out."
  • Telling a friend: "Heading out for a coffee with [first name] (met on Find Singles NZ, username [username]) at [place] at [time]. Their number is [number]. I'll text you by [time]. If you haven't heard from me by then, please call me."

If a date turns controlling or frightening

If you are in danger now, leave and call 111. If something happened on a date, or someone has become controlling, Safe to Talk (sexual harm) and Are You OK? (family violence) are free and open 24 hours a day. If you are an older person who feels frightened by how someone is treating you, the Elder Abuse Response Service can help. The numbers are in the table below.

If something has gone wrong

You've sent money

  1. Stop contact. Don't confront them. Netsafe's chief executive says scammers often move on to the next person.
  2. Call your bank straight away, on the number on your card or in your banking app, and tell them exactly what happened. Westpac says reporting early improves the chance of getting money back.
  3. Report it to Police at 105.police.govt.nz, or call 105.
  4. Contact Netsafe for free, confidential advice.
  5. Report the profile to us.
  6. Be wary of anyone who offers to get your money back for a fee. Recovery scams are common (Own Your Online).
  7. If you gave someone access to your device or accounts, report it to the National Cyber Security Centre on 0800 114 115 and change your passwords.

You're being threatened, or an image has been shared

Follow the steps in Photos and intimate images. Netsafe can help get content taken down and explain your options under New Zealand law.

A date became unsafe

If you are in danger, call 111. Afterwards, Safe to Talk and Are You OK? are free and open 24 hours a day.

Many people who have been scammed feel what Netsafe's chief executive calls "incredible shame". Scammers are patient and good at what they do, and capable people get caught. If it's weighing on you, 1737 is free to call or text at any time.

What a dating site can and can't do

No dating site can promise that every profile is genuine, and you should be wary of any that does. What a site can do is make it easier to check, report and get help. Here is what to look for on any site, and what you'll find here.

  • Blocking and reporting in a couple of taps. Here, you can block or report anyone from their profile or a message.
  • A way to verify a profile. Here, ID or video verification is optional and gives you a badge. If you'd rather not upload ID, our team can check and approve your profile manually.
  • Privacy about who you are. Here, other members see a username and your nearest town, never your real name, email address or exact location.
  • A way to reach the people running it. Here, the Contact page, Terms and Privacy policy are linked from the footer of every page.

Verification means someone passed a check. It doesn't mean they are honest, so use the rest of this page as well.

Who to call

Details checked against agency and government pages on 22 October 2026.

Service Contact For
Police 111 if you're in danger now. 105, or 105.police.govt.nz, to report Threats, lost money, assault
Netsafe 0508 638 723, text 4282, help@netsafe.org.nz. netsafe.org.nz Scam advice, image abuse, getting content taken down
National Cyber Security Centre 0800 114 115. ncsc.govt.nz/report Someone got into your accounts or device
Safe to Talk 0800 044 334, text 4334. safetotalk.nz Sexual harm
Are You OK? 0800 456 450. areyouok.org.nz Family violence, for you or someone you're worried about
Women's Refuge 0800 733 843. womensrefuge.org.nz Women and children, safety and accommodation
Elder Abuse Response Service 0800 32 668 65, text 5032. elderabuse.nz Older people at risk
1737 Call or text 1737, any time. 1737.org.nz Feeling stressed, ashamed or overwhelmed
Department of Internal Affairs Forward scam texts to 7726. Complain about spam Scam and nuisance texts and emails
StopNCII.org stopncii.org Stopping a shared intimate image spreading

Top questions and answers

Are there safe dating sites in NZ?

No dating site is completely safe, and any site that says it is has overstated it. Some are safer than others. Look for easy blocking and reporting, a way to verify profiles, privacy about your name and location, and a way to contact the people running it. The checklist above shows what you'll find here. Then use the precautions on this page on any site you join.

How can I tell if a profile is fake?

You can't be certain, but you can check. Ask for more than one photo, run a reverse image search, search the name with the word "scam", and ask for a short video call. If a profile fails any of those, it isn't worth the risk.

What is catfishing?

Catfishing is when someone pretends to be someone else online, using another person's photos or an invented life. Sometimes it is a scammer after money, and sometimes it is someone hiding something. The checks on this page work either way. If a reverse image search turns up the same photos under a different name, stop.

What should I do if I've already sent money?

Stop contact, call your bank straight away on the number on your card, then report it to Police on 105 and contact Netsafe. The full steps are in what to do if something has gone wrong.

Can a dating site check that someone is telling the truth?

No. A site can check some things, such as age or ID, and it can act on reports. It can't know whether what someone tells you is true, which is why the checks in this guide matter on every site.

Who do I report a scam to in NZ?

Your bank first, if money has moved. Then Police on 105, and Netsafe for advice. Scam texts can be forwarded to 7726, and the National Cyber Security Centre deals with anyone getting into your accounts or devices.

Sources and last reviewed

Last reviewed 22 October 2026.

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